lately.. i have been... falling apart in ways i cant explain. and yes.. i've turned to alcohol and drugs unfortunately. to escape and forget everything on my mind and in my heart. but in all honesty it cant change whats happened and it wont help bring you back. when all of this happened in july i cried maybe three times because i was trying so hard to be strong for everyone else. i was trying to be everyones rock. and it became so normal that everything became numb. as of late.. its all hitting me hard and fast. i tell everyone i'm strong and ill get though, but when i hit bottom someone told me i wasn't strong, i was weak.. but it was okay to be weak because everyone is at one point or another. so i guess my point in all of this is that if you're going through something that no one really understands don't turn to substances that you THINK will numb the pain. because the pain is all still there in the morning and on top of that you have a hangover. if you drink to make the pain go away you end up in a downward spiral that you cant control and life just gets worse. yes i miss you and yes i want to just make the pain go away. and for a minute drinking makes everything okay.. but in the end you're still gone and i'm still here.
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